Books After Child Loss
When a friend or family member loses a child, there’s really nothing to be done except cry with them. But bringing books is often thought of, and it’s nice to have several types to try out.
Our rabbi said to us that the best thing right after a catastrophic loss is less grief books, more Netflix. So bringing magazines and or suggesting movies and tv shows are likely welcome.
That said, here are a few books that helped us get perspective and just have some strategies for what to do next.
Non-Denominational
Healing After Loss - When Tepley died, I couldn’t read more than a paragraph for a few weeks. This book was a favorite of mine and the rest of the family sitting with us because it has bite-sized thoughts on losing a loved one that are both beautiful and easy to process.
Once Again We Saw Stars - This book is a new release about losing a two-year-old in a horrible accident, and I identified with both the fact that it was a toddler and it was so sudden. Thank you, thank you Ellen for sending this book because it also led us to Golden Willow Retreat.
From Grief to Growth: 5 Essentials Elements of Action to Give Grief Purpose and Grow from Your Experience - This one is very informal, but I liked it because it starts with a mom who didn’t think she would make it - which is definitely where I was. There’s something very powerful about reading from someone who considered ending her life because the pain was so unbearable. It’s a practical book about survival and that’s what I needed.
Two other books that we read more in chapters were I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye and Healing through the Dark Emotions - very helpful for those who read a lot and want more frameworks on ways forward.
Judeo-Christian
When Bad Things Happen to Good People - The best book that I read after Tepley died was this one, written by Rabbi Kushner. The premise is that tragedies happen because of natural law (like disease), and God uses our community to love and support us. Nothing was worse than having people suggest that God killed my baby (rather than another one) for some valuable reason, and this book is about the support we need to survive.
Walking Through Pain and Suffering with God - Tim Keller is a pastor in New York City and has a huge following with those who want a practical, Christian perspective on how to find meaning in the pain.
I also heard that C.S. Lewis on Death and Dying is an amazing book from the Christian perspective, but I haven’t gotten to it yet.
BUDDHIST
No Fear, No Death: Comforting Wisdom for Life - Thich Nhat Hanh starts this book with a story about experiencing his mother after her death and the calm it gave him to realize that we all live in the hearts of our loved ones always.
Comfortable with Uncertainty - Pema Chodron has written so many easy-to-read books on mindfulness and Buddhist principles, and Comfortable with Uncertainty was recommended to me because losing your child is the ultimate disorienting experience.